It’s Too Late

Heather AskelandYet another warrior succumbs because she lost hope.
When my son was sick, I always prayed he would find the strength to live through the pain.

Finding strength is difficult when your whole life is pain.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.

I believe anyone can get well… in the meantime… manage symptoms and find a way to enjoy life while you work on getting well.

Watch comedy. Netflix, TV and YouTube… or ITunes, Satellite Radio has a comedy channel. Do what you have to… laugh every day.

There are natural cures for every disease. Keep looking.

Positive thinking is very important. I am not saying it is all in your head, just that keeping a positive mental attitude assists the body in healing. Read The Science of Being Well — it's free!


Heather Askeland's Fundraiser

Before she died, it was just another fundraiser.

Now, it is a story of a life too short.

We all see a ton of fundraisers. My son and I were very sick from Lyme, coinfections, mercury and mold. A friend did a fundraiser for us. We have recovered to what I like to call 100%. It took many tens of thousands of dollars above what was raised in that fundraiser to pay for what we needed to get well. A relapse would be devastating.

I can't (and don't want to) imagine where Heather's thinking had sunk…

On April 28, in Heather's last update, she wrote:

Almost halfway there!

Thank you so so much to everyone who's donated and shared the link. I am eternally grateful for your love and support. Please keep spreading the word, as my health and life situation is still extremely dire. I need all the tangible help I can possibly get. Gratitude and love, always. Xoxo

Read all 3 updates at the Heather's YouCaring fundraiser

Two months later, she was still only about halfway there…

Would ten thousand dollars save Heather's life?

I don't know.

I'm sure, in Heather's eyes, raising $10,000 was very difficult… and also in Heather's eyes, she needed another $10,000 for the treatment that would get her well. She was in a tremendous amount of pain and the task probably seemed insurmountable.

Heather's poetry

Many people pass fundraisers along without giving… because they feel they cannot give anymore.

Many people, and I know the feeling, are living paycheck to paycheck, just trying to keep their own lives paid for. Heck, I heard recently that the average credit card debt in America is $20,000. Then there are student loans, car loans, and mortgages…

Most people are not just broke… they are in negative numbers.

How can we possibly give anything to yet another fundraiser?

But if we don't give…

How can we expect to get?

Heather's fundraiser was NOT passed by by MANY people. Heather raised over $10,000 toward her treatment. For that, I am grateful!

There were 187 supporters and 518 shares on Facebook!

It's too late for Heather. She's gone.
The ultimate game stopper. Her life has ended.

From what I know and have seen far too many times:

  • Heather took her life because the pain was unbearable.
  • She saw no end to the pain and suffering.
  • Heather's life was over in her eyes.

I would like to brainstorm ways to avoid this tragedy.

  1. How do we help more?
  2. How do we heal more?
  3. How do we give more?
  4. How do we get more?

Heather has left this earth and hopefully she is at peace.

Wherever you are in your journey called life, please leave your ideas below. Answer one of the four, or all 4… it's up to you.

We have all lost someone. Some of us have lost more than others. Each loss is difficult in its own way.

  • Who do you know that got very sick and no longer wanted to live?
  • Who do you know now who is very sick?

It's too late for Heather… how do we save the next person who is suffering too much?

Is giving more to fundraisers the answer?

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10 thoughts on “It’s Too Late”

  1. In my humble opinion the number one thing Heather needed was someone to offer her a place to stay, no matter how long, The thought that someone cares so much to offer you a place in their home, that alone is healing and would take away the stress of being homeless. We all know what stress does to our illness.

    Create a baseline to operate from, a baseline where the basic needs are met. A place to sleep, a healthy meal and then one can start thinking about how to access care. How to raise money, how to access funds and find a caring physician that will treat you on a payment plan. There area ways.
    But always always have the security of that baseline to fall back on.

    Heather could not put in to words exactly how sick she was. There should have been advocates or lawyers helping her putting her words on papers and forms so she could apply for care. It’s one of my pet peeves that ‘patient’ advocate organizations do very little in the form of practical help for the severely ill. They are more occupied with political issues while severely ill patients are dying because the lack of care.
    There should be structured plans in place by patient organization to help those that fall out of the boat. Set an amount of your fundraising money aside to help these severely ill access care, have resources available, long term and emergency short term. Lobby on state and local for home care. Either that or stop calling yourself patient organization!

    It’s too late for Heather but I hope that the next ‘Heather’ does not have to go through where she had to go through.

  2. Lyme Wreckage

    Heather had a place to stay. Heather raised enough money for treatment. Heather had her needs met. People don’t know the true story. She received more help than anyone could have ever imagined. She was eligible for government insurance and assistance. She had numerous people offering her places to stay. She raised close to $20,000 at least in the last couple of years.

    Heather’s death was not because she did not have enough help and support. It went much deeper than that. So many people helped her. She was not alone and she was not homeless. She was desperate and in need of a different kind of help.

  3. I have seen too much info that has left me confused. She said no one would give her medical care. But then when questioned it was oh okay cant take oral antibiotic. People offered her plane ticket back to her state (WI I think) but she said no. Some reason why (sorry cant remember right now) But her last wall post where that statement was left it said she was in WI (sorry again I’m not on that page). So why say you cant leave if you are already there? FB posts where you are posting from. I get mental illness trust me. That seemed to be her problem. Her brain was not understanding. She either wasn’t willing to grasp that or didn’t want to. I am Sooo not doubting her pain. So I don’t want to hear all that crap from anyone. She had many groups online and in person that was raising money for her. But every time someone wanted to do it directly instead of giving her cash it was one reason or another why not. With her not working and homeless why did she not get Medicaid? She said she got food stamps. As far as her family goes well haven’t heard their side. I hv dealt with people that are just (looking for a nice word) unwillingly to accept help. And finally you have enough. You cant make them get help. Finally it begins to drag your personal life and family down too. So you hv to cut ties.

    Again I am not doubting her pain at all. I’m just staying what is clearly posted on Wall comments. Either from her or people offering help. It’s sad that she took her life. I cant even find out about her death as Heather Askeland wasn’t here real name or its not clear what state she died in. My prayers are with her family and friends. And maybe her story of pain can make someone else get help.

  4. I just found your site. I am going to try to do a fundraiser myself after 17 yrs on my toxic mold journey. I am sorry for this lovely young ladies’ decision to die & just because she needed money for TX. We have nothing ( ins covered ) in mainstream medicine to offer with mold illness. So sad! I spent all my money-could never find housing-tried 4-5 & gave up as the money ran out. On ly I’m 67 ^ still am dimissed & disbelieved. I believe w my genes & the remodel, releasing mycotoxins was the final straw. I was in mold 8 yrs b4 walking out of my home during the remodel with neuro-damage (brain lesions) & lung nodules. I’m still seeking housing-should have spent all my time seeking good air for a recovery. Lost everything. Mold was my poison-no lyme, cfs etc.. friends, however, with those diagnoses are NOT as sensitive in bldgs but suffer more on-going muscle pain & sleep issues. I’ve never considered suicide but I’m unable to keep up sleeping in a toxic car anymore. My adult children have occ helped with $$ ($1600 from one & $1200 from the other over several yrs.) I’ve seen the EI docs & it did not work w/o safe housing-In 2000 they knew little of mold.
    What is the best way to raise funds?? Could I do the Gofundme & pass on the info to certain friends/organizations/
    groups/churches & companies who may know me or my family??
    With HBP, no real sleep for 3 yrs, high cholesterol, erosive arthritis, serious chemical sensitivities, colon malfunction from prior surgeries & car accident/fall sacral nerve injuries, I am needing to save my life!! Adult children don’t see the on-going pain, inflammation or body reactions; they believe me but… just hear me trying to explain the illness in hopes of securing some assisstance w tasks..calls, searches, moving storage units etc.. With 2 sons in town, one a bartender who is mostly unavailable & avoids me & another in recovery, who now thinks I need to be more positive and/or go to a 12step Program!!! They were in college during most of this, thankfully, but they would surely get this nightmare, had become ill themselves. Any ideas for fundraiser?? I hope to do DNR or Gupta brain retraining via CD’s or a seminar.
    I do know diet, supplements, detox, oxygen, bodywork, avoidance helps me but w/o housng & sleep, there is no hope! Thanks for your being a soundboard:)

  5. Fellow Lyme Survivor

    Everyone should listen carefully to Heather… her real name is known in the lyme community. She was not helped with a place to stay. Otherwise someone would have gone to get her. I would have. I didnt know about her or her situation until two days after she ended her life. I was very upset that noone in the lyme community helped her. Especially the so called self appointed leaders in the lyme community. They can be very clicky and only help their cronies and themselves. They can actually bully and drive people they pick on to such a decision. Sadly, one of the biggest phonies and bullies has made a comment here trying to discount Heather’s own words. Something we often see bullies do to try to save face. I have no idea if Heather was a victim of theirs but some lived in the same state and didnt go get her. I would bave brought her to my place. I’m so sorry Heather that I saw this too late. She was very artuculate and explained her needs very well. Her words should not be discounted by anyone. What she needed was a place to stay. She ended her life on the last day she had a hotel room. Many in the lyme community had their own home and could have gotten her there. Noone did. There is no excuse. That is the reality. If people especially self appointed so called leaders wont help others with lyme first- why should anybody else ?!

  6. Great Blog! Thanks for sharing your journey. It will really motivate the people dealing with mental health related issues that recovery is possible not immediately but definitely. I have recently found a psychotherapist clinic in Lake Geneva, they are very famous for their counseling sessions.For more information you can visit their website

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